The First

Today is the first day of this blog. Ryan is not with me today. How else would I have time to put this together? I was so desperate for a day to myself and now that it is here....I miss the little guy as usual. He fought me getting dressed, he fought me getting into the car and he fought for his music in the car. After I dropped him off at Daycare and got back into the car, the silence was deafening. I even kept his "animals,animals, animals" cd on. I love the jazzed up "ole MacDonald". All week I have had auditions and have been running like a chicken with his head cut off. Today nothing. I hate it. My Beautiful Bride (BB from here on in) and I started Ryan in Daycare so that I could have time to myself, audition without him and get the house stuff that has been piling up done. Six months later and it seems all my auditions are on the days he is with me and no matter how much I feel I am doing for the house it is only playing catch up. I have time for just enough to keep us from walking over piles of crap as you walk in to the front door. I have been able to regulate the crap piles against the walls and therefore out of the way. BB sees them though and the prey on her mind. By the time the dishwasher is empty, the toys picked up and the beds made the day is done. I sound like my mother. Of all the people I ever could've sounded like, I am shocked that I sound like my mother. I am a tough kid from Brooklyn who came out to LA to be an actor and refused to let fear stop me from having a family even given the up and down nature of my career. So inevitably, I guess, there are these days of laundry, dishes and loneliness that I realize how my Mother felt. I realize all the strength it takes to do the so-called easy things sometimes. So I sound like my Mom. How lucky am I. I love my Mom. It's her Birthday today. Happy Birthday Mom.